I underwent surgery for endometriosis in April, and my post-operative instructions, issued by a stern but efficient surgeon, included a blanket ban on sex for a period of six weeks. This draconian order was accompanied by a pair of nylon compression socks, and so, my sexual hiatus commenced. This situation is not unique to me, as numerous women can attest to the fact that men often exhibit a lack of clarity regarding their feelings and expectations, leaving women exhausting themselves in an attempt to decipher their partners' emotions and intentions.
This phenomenon is aptly described by Ellie Anderson, who contends in an essay on heteropessimism that dating men often necessitates women spending an inordinate amount of time interpreting the cues of emotionally inarticulate men, followed by the arduous task of figuring out whether, when... and how to present these interpretations to the men without alarming them.
As British Vogue notes, "no situationships" is one of the five commandments of boy sobriety. It appears that women have taken matters into their own hands and are now gatekeeping sex, mirroring men's propensity to gatekeep labels and relationships. This move is not without significance, as it reflects women's growing awareness of the need to prioritize their own desires and needs in the face of a wide-ranging mental health crisis.
Studies have consistently shown that dating apps can exacerbate existing anxiety, depression, and self-esteem issues... making the prospect of dating an inherently stressful and daunting experience. The notion that sex is a vital human need, ranking alongside sleep and shelter according to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, is undeniable.
However, the recent uptick in celibacy can be seen as a form of self-preservation, a necessary response to a dating culture that consistently disregards women's desires and fundamental rights. In this context, the decision to abstain from sex can be viewed as a form of resistance against the dehumanizing effects of dating apps and the societal pressures that accompany them.
As I navigated my own six-week sexual hiatus, I couldn't help but feel a sense of relief and freedom. The absence of the pressure to perform and the expectation of intimacy allowed me to focus on my own recovery and well-being. It was a necessary pause, a chance to recharge and reflect on the true nature of my desires and needs.
In this sense, "the temporary abstinence from sex can be seen as a form of personal liberation," "a declaration that women will no longer be subjected to the whims of men without reciprocation."
Why Women Are Giving Up On Sex
• The pressure to interpret men's unclear intentions on dates is exhausting for women, leading to a sense of gatekeeping of one's own sexual desires and needs. 2. The rise of situationships, where men expect sex without clarity on their feelings, has contributed to the norm of women feeling overwhelmed and frustrated in relationships. 3. The current mental health crisis has added to the stress of dating, with numerous studies indicating that dating apps can exacerbate existing anxiety, depression, and self-esteem issues. 4. The recent increase in celibacy can be seen as a form of self-preservation and resistance against a dating culture that disregards women's desires and fundamental rights, rather than simply being a rejection of sex or men.
In April, I underwent surgery for endometriosis , and my post-op instructions – issued by a stern but efficient surgeon – included “no sex for six weeks”. I was sent home with a pair of nylon compression socks, and my sexual hiatus commenced. It's an age-old problem that's been compounded by situationships becoming the norm in the 2020s: men expect sex but aren't clear on how they feel about you, and women are exhausted trying to figure them out (I'm generalising, but you know what I mean). As Ellie Anderson argues in an essay on heteropessimism , “Dating men often requires women to spend inordinate amounts of time trying to interpret the cues of emotionally inarticulate men and then figuring out whether, when and how to deliver those interpretations back to the men without spooking them.” Fittingly, “no situationships” is one of boy sobriety's five commandments . It's as if women have decided that if men can gatekeep labels and relationships, they can gatekeep sex.
