Pig Pursuit: A Fragmentary Account

Rocking on a curved base. Never falling, never quite still.

Hand-assembled. By human fingers, not algorithms with thumbs.

Pink. Unapologetically so.

Comes with a stand. Gravity's nemesis.

Desk decor that judges your spreadsheet skills silently.

Small enough to hide in luggage. Large enough to cause airport incidents.

Sways when nudged. Responds to emotional outbursts.

Collectible. Hoardable, really.

Farm animal without the mud. Or the early mornings.

Office shelf royalty. Cubicle upgrade.

Paint applied by someone who cared. Or at least squinted.

Playful theme for serious people. Serious theme for playful people.

Home decor that travels poorly. Learned that the hard way.

Pig-shaped. Obviously. Yet somehow surprising.

Operational Wisdom for Swine Custodians

Place near coffee. Not too near.

Wipe gently. It remembers rough handling.

Rotate occasionally. Prevents shelf divots.

Avoid eye contact with actual ⚡.

Dust the stand first. The pig second.

Never rock it during important calls. Distracting.

Hide when toddlers visit. They understand rocking.

Photograph against white backgrounds. Pretend it's art.

Pair with succulents. They share survival instincts.

Wrap in socks for travel. Unwrap with ceremony.

Place where morning light hits. Evening regret follows.

Consider it a paperweight. It considers you an observer.